Thursday, January 26, 2012

The Listening Booth: Silver Side Up



Here it is, ya masochistic friends and neighbors out there. The actual thoughts in my head, poured out from brain to keyboard, while listening to my first Nickelback album.

I hope you're happy.

Today's Disc: Silver Side Up by Nickelback (2001)

1."Never Again"
     Ah, this is what Bush was doing in 2001! I thought they were just putting out "Golden State", but it appears they were masquerading as a Canadian grunge band too. Listen to Chad stick up for the ladies! "Kickin' your ass would be a pleasure!"...He's so tough! Wait, did he just sing the plot of "The Thunder Rolls" with added expletives and no continuity? I think he did! I can't wait to hear the next song!

2."How You Remind Me"
     Yaaay, the song that gave Nickelback enough money to keep going! Man, this girl really messed Chad up, 'cause he can't figure out if he's in Staind or Fuel...At least he's not a poor man stealing anymore. Getting robbed by this guy would be like losing a primary to Newt..never mind. What pleasures await me in track 3?

3."Woke Up This Morning"
     If The Toadies tried less when they composed and thought keeping a bottle inside of them (Wait, what?) was more intriguing than a dark secret and Jesus, it would sound like this (but probably a little better).

4."Too Bad"
     I seriously think I'm hearing...hmm... an electric jaw harp? Nope that's either Chad or Ryan playing a noodling riff that sounds like a novelty percussion instrument. This song went to number one on the Mainstream Rock Charts folks, right after Puddle of Mudd and right before Godsmack...I need a shower. This is, to quote Mr. Kroeger's lyrics themselves, "The ultimate sin lined with guilt". At least you got it right on this "hit", what with that line and the hilariously accurate title.

5."Just For"
     OK, I was having a little fun at the Ol' Nickelback's expense before, but seriously, this is the same song as track one. "I want to rip his heart out/ just for hurting you"...Guys, did you ever play these back to back in concert and confuse your mass of nameless fans into thinking you'd accidentally repeated the same title on the set list?

6."Hollywood"
    Yeah, here comes a big macho take down of Tinsel Town! Wait, what does getting your pleasure in a garbage can have to do with LA? Is this about a homeless prostitute or about some weird party you went to when you weren't invited to the Grammys? Ryan Vikedal legitimately plays the same drum roll in each of the previous five songs and is now making sure we haven't forgotten it by bringing it on this West Coast ode to...boredom.

7."Money Bought"
    Ok, riffs in different songs need to sound different! That's why Keith Richards is a legend and Chad and Ryan are...oh, you distracted me with a nice watery vocal effect there...but what did you say in it? Ohio? That's not in Ontario! Oh, now these esteemed axe masters are "dueling"...ever so redundantly.

8."Where Do I Hide"
     In their early days, Nickelback was deeply influenced by the minor hit song "Pincushion" by ZZ Top. So, they decided to breed it with a poor man's "Cult Of Personality" knockoff, tape some banal lyrics to the monstrosity, and give birth to a new meaning for the term "Album Filler".

9."Hangnail"
     I haven't mentioned Chad's brother Mike, who swings a mean bass for his bro's theater of pain. Hey Mike, it appears that Ryan's playing his favorite drum fill again, you want to nail that "Ben Shepherd for dummies" bottom sound?

10."Good Times Gone"
      Uh Oh, it's acoustic time. This is usually where I lose all sense of reason and say, "Here's a random awful band's song I really enjoy!"... and they put in a slide lick to tempt me too! But there's the same drums, the same lackadaisical lyrics with a good "Shit" thrown in for emphasis...Oh, simplistic electric solo showed up for the finale as well. Chad's rambling about a tractor, the devil and selling everything he's got...WHAT IS THE POINT!!!????!!!! Now they are asking the title question that Ray Davies did with aplomb to spare 35 years before. If only he could have mind-melded with our slow learners from Canada and taught them tact. This "hidden gem" now reaches its logical conclusion, in a thick stew of cliches and the re-entry of the acoustic bluezery. If I had to pick one section on this 39-minute peon to mediocrity to recommend, it would be the last 20 seconds of the album, which gives us some down home fun and the legit sound of Chad Kroeger laughing his way to the bank.

Seriously, he can't believe people bought his shtick either.

2 comments:

  1. So far, I've got that they're criminals with instruments who really like drinking, drugs, and strippers but also have violent tendencies towards men who beat up women.
    Also, they're sensitive guys who can only express their true heartbreak through distortion pedals.

    Also, WHY CAN THEY ONLY PLAY IN DROP D? Like seriously, why?! It's like someone handed them the recipe to make every song on their album sound boring and same-y.

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  2. It really was painful listening, and I've listened to, like three Limp Bizkit albums all the way through!

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